If we were having coffee right now I would tell you that although I love the taste of cream and half-and-half, and could probably drink a quart of each, I actually like CoffeeMate in my coffee better because it displaces the coffee rather than dilutes it, making it taste richer. I know it’s like eating a small tub of Crisco every day, but I don’t care.
If we were having coffee right now I would tell you that I think saying “let’s have coffee together” sounds way too clean-cut and cute-sy for me, like Mrs. Cleaver offering the Beaver and the boys some cookies and milk or an old International Coffee commercial. There’s something benign and childish about it, despite coffee being considered a grown-up drink. And it’s certainly not the kind of line I’d want to use if I needed to tell you something really intense or personal or important. Let’s just say we’re having a drink right now or we’re getting togetherright now, shall we?
If we were having coffee right now I would tell you that I feel I should be doing something else. Something Important. Something that makes me feel more productive than just hanging out and talking about shit. And I would tell you my feeling that just hanging out is wasting time is part of my obsessive nature that keeps me from enjoying life as much as I could.
If were were having coffee right now I would tell you I buy Kirkland dark roast coffee for $9.99 for three pounds and no longer waste my money on the more expensive stuff because I think the Kirkland coffee tastes just as good. I would not tell you that I’m terrified of running out of money and being homeless and having to beg family members for money despite having worked since I could walk and leaving home at 17 and putting myself through six years of college and making a very good living at something I loved for 30 years because before he killed himself my dad would flood my young brain over and over with “I’m leaving the family a lot of money but your mom will shit it away in a few years so you need to make your own money and don’t let anyone take it.”
If we were having coffee right now I would tell you that the cloud-laden sunsets in the desert have been beyond spectacular this monsoon season and I know I’m so lucky to live here and see such beauty but I keep having to remind myself to be happy and I wonder if you do, too?
alwaysstartingsomethingnew 
I was just about to switch my laptop off when I decided instead to take a look at your post. It was the two words: “You’re buying” which hooked me, and you didn’t disappoint. I love this post.
I can see you hurriedly swigging coffee, and rushing through the conversation, because you can’t justify the time spent.
You say so much, and yet leave so many questions.
I like CoffeeMate. I detest Starbucks. If we went to some horrible corporate company I’d prefer it to be Nero. If we were wasting our time sitting in a cafe I would probably be checking the time as I sat there, worrying about how many other things I should be doing, but I think I’d enjoy your company, so I’d ignore the nagging feelings until you’d had enough iof me.
I’d like to remind myself to be happy, but usually I just remind myself to pretend. I often do it by making people laugh. Laughing is a bit like happiness, without the depth.
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Thanks so much for your kind comments and for also admitting that you like non-dairy creamer–that’s almost like committing a crime! Yeah, I’m caught in the the “fake it till you make it” school of thought about happiness although I’m often still faking it, so I hear ya loud and clear.
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I’m sorry to hear about your father’s suicide. You should be proud of yourself for putting yourself through school and supporting yourself. I’m sure it was very difficult at times.
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Thank for your compassion and compliment.. I wondered weather I should take that part out because I think it sounds whiny, self-serving and too much like “I going to write a memoir about my shitty childhood.” But the fact is, I did have a shitty childhood, but I also had a wonderful one, and somewhere along the way I picked up the skills to deal with my past the best I can and move on from it as much as you can.
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I don’t think you sound whiny at all. You sound brave and you don’t blame anyone…just show how you’ve moved past it to become successful.
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Chela Deaemacisdargnte seguimos estando bastante mal educados, ojala esos jóvenes sean la generación del mañana y empicen a reciclar enseñando a los demás, claro que uno le da la patada y el otro es el que recoge la botella.Un abrazo
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