As charming/quaint as this NYT photo of people casting votes in Iowa by tossing paper in a pic-a-nik basket, this is an election for a candidate for the president of the United States, not the local Grange. At least these Republicans are actually voting. Iowa Democrats trade S&H Green Stamps to find a winner. And each state has it’s own voodoo workin’ to make a decision. No matter what your party or candidate preference is, whether you’re happy, sad, both or neither today, we need to overhaul the presidential primary process. I feel a hashtag coming on! #PPPoverhaul
I’m listening to a stream from WXPN/Philly. They’re playing all-Bowie, all day, as a bunch of other stations probably are today. David Bowie (unlike Janis, Jimi, Jim or Amy who I somehow knew would crash and burn early) was one of those people in my musical universe that I just thought would go on forever. His death, after 18 months of battling liver cancer, came as a shock to all but those who knew him most intimately. The fact that one can keep such news private in this age of endless blood-hunts for celebrity news is news it itself. It also says a lot about the discerning nature of his friendships, the integrity of those he chose to be closest to him.
It was 1972 and I was a 15-year-old. freak. Not in the let-your-freak-flag-fly way, but in the eight-pointed-star-in-a-round-hole way. I’m not going to go into my fucked-up childhood or how the freakish feeling started from the time I had enough brain cells to carry memory around, but somehow I felt my way to a small group of people who stuck out in the same way, who wanted to crouch in corners but were called out before they could, who had basements pot and turntables and albums of music that was the only thing that made me feel –even if it was bad. Even today, certain lines, bridges, chord changes, will make me burst into tears. “Keep your ‘lectric eye on me babe” from Moonlight Daydream was one of those lines and David Bowie created some of that music. I’m so sad. Not for Bowie, because he’s moved on to wherever, but for myself, my teenage life, my friends, what would come after and what I was way closer to before.
It’s just that I’m taking this pretty intense writing class while doing all the stuff that one needs to do to get on with life and all the errands and minutiae that get in the way. I shall return! Thank you for sticking with me–I’ll stand by you, too!
I’m going to a party tonight–I don’t know how long it’s been since I’ve been to one. I’m not anti-social, it’s just that my friends are so scattered and disparate in nature that it’s been decades since I netted some of them in the same place at the same time.
And the people I know here aren’t the same as the people I knew there. Or there. Or there. They circle the wagons, using strength in numbers to keep out those who would challenge their merchant mindset. They take trips together, hang out together, rarely if ever go out alone.
The thought of never being alone frightens me more than I ever felt when I was alone–even in weird and possibly dangerous situations.
I never could relate but I tried to for a while because they were the only people I knew here. They’re not bad people, in fact many of them are kind and give their time and money to help others, but some of it smacks as “I’m doing it for business” reasons.
Fuck. I just re-read what I wrote. It makes me sound jealous and judgmental. I guess I am in a way.
I never fit in–I was born a square peg in a round hole. I never did it to be hip, or rebellious, (although I was a rebel in both the effective sense and the tilting-at-windmills sense) it was as much a part of me as my bicornuate uterus.
I always loved the scene in Peggy Sue Got Married when she hangs out with the poet/writer/artsy outcast that she never got to know in high school the first time around. He looks at her and says “I thought chicks like your traveled in packs.”
Nope. Some of us don’t.
When I started my first blog years ago (I have a few–I ‘ve never been blog-faithful–they’re floating around the internet like detritus) I spent a long time figuring out style, what images to use, how many pages to add, etc. A few months ago, I decided just to toss up a page and write stuff, because writing is what I most wanted–needed–to do.
I liken this phenomena to the time when answering machines first came out. I changed my message daily, re-writing and rehearsing it until I was satisfied that it was witty and pithy enough to release to the public. Or my mom and a few friends. You’d think my answering machine was sitting at the Algonquin Round Table with Dorothy Parker and Robert Benchley.
And people even paid a shitload of money for pre-recorded messages they could put on their machines to impresses their mom and a few friends!
But after a few years, the fad faded, the job of changing your message became tedious and no one gave a fuck anymore. Messages became so truncated that even the standard “Hi this is Roberta, I’m not available right now so please leave a message” was too exhausting and was shortened to “Leave a message” or “Leave it.”
That’s sorta like what happened with me and my blog.
The rest of 2015. What am I going to do?
What did I even do with the first part of 2015? I wasted a lot of time, that’s what I did. I can’t tell you how many hours I spent jacking around on the computer, looking at the same sites over and over again, researching stuff until my brain was raw, which only served to feed my OCD and make me think something had to be wrong. Yeah, I’m one of those. Something has to wrong now or something has to be wrong just around the corner.
Or try to sleep. That was a biggie. Most people sleep. I try to sleep. Of course that required a lot of research on what to do to go to sleep and what to do while I wasn’t sleeping. Usually the latter was filled with the aforementioned researching ways to get to sleep.
I also wasted time not reading books. I tried but I couldn’t focus. I read a hell of a lot of magazines but they were good magazines, like Smithsonian or The New Yorker. Well, actually, I read New York magazine which I accidentally subscribed to because it sounded a lot like The New Yorker and was a lot cheaper. It’s about the city of New York, in case you’re interested.
Then, in July, I broke my desert summertime malaise and hauled my germaphone ass to the east coast to see my family. It really is good to get the hell out of where you are sometimes, even if you take your problems and issues and all parts of your personality–both good and bad–with you.
Getting out of my rut helped me see what a lump of not much I was being, and when I was on my trip I started going to museums, taking day trips with my sister and started walking to the bay daily. That was really the thing that helped the most. I had gained some weight during this just-hang-out-and-not-do-much phase, and worse than that, I was out of shape.
The walking helped my mind as well as my body, and I when I got home, I started walking every day. The more I walked, the better I felt. I felt as if I was actually doing something, that this perennial dilettante could stick to something and make it work. (Hence the title of my blog Alwaysstartingsomethingnew.)
Walking boosted my energy and mental state so that I finally was able to think about doing something else. That something else was writing, which I dabbled in since I learned to write but never had the patience to do every day or to sit down and write books like my sister does.
Signing up for Writing 101 helped get me back into a routine. A productive routine, not a shitty nothing-to-show-for-it time-wasting routine. The more I produce, the more I want to produce.
I’m not going to lie and say that Writing 101 has helped me start a life-long habit of writing daily, but it sure is a good start to just writing. Just Fucking Writing. Anything. Any length. Any quality. Then once I do that, maybe I can start editing my work and improving its quality. Or not.
I’m not a writer, I’m a person who writes sometimes. That’s what I’m going to do with the rest of 2015, and that’s good enough for me.
…that’s what I typed into Google and it came up with 228,000,000 results. I originally wanted to find out what a root canal costs because my crown that’s only four months old still hurts when I drink something hot or cold and that’s not great news.
So, since I didn’t interview someone else for Assigment 19, I decided to make a list of the price that people paid for medical and dental stuff in the past year using Costhelper. Because the price of anything depends on where you live, I decided to use specific prices curated from user comments.
$875 Root canal for rear bottom tooth, St. Louis, MO.
$3,500 Tummy tuck, El Paso, TX.
$425 STD (Sexually Transmitted Disease Testing) Sunnyvale, CA.
$9,000 Baby Delivery at hospital Houston, TX.
$3,630 Dental braces for child, Bloomsburg, PA.
$67,500 Total knee replacement ault Ste Marie MI.
$7,000 Laser hair removal of sideburns, lip, brows, underarms, legs, public hair (bikini) West Hartford, CT.
It would be a hell of a bill if one person got all of these procedures done!